Chapter Eight: Faithful Silence

Elmara woke early, earlier than any of her servants, even before her handmaiden, Seris, who was only one knock away in the servant’s room inside her own. It only took two knocks for her to jump out of bed and start running around to start her day. Even if the sun had yet to rise, Elmara wanted to start, this was a special day. 

The Vigil of Veils landed on the longest day of the year. A day where Elmara and all her siblings and parents were able to join their subjects, no, they were able to show their subjects their devotion to the Flame and the Veil. For one to embrace the religion of the Veiled Flame, one must submit to the discipline and restraint of the human desires, and who would be more expected to follow the order than the royalty that led the church? 

This year was different from the rest. After more years than she could count, Elmara had been given the title of The Crowned Veil, an ancient royal and sacred role held by one child of the royal line. And because of this title, she was to lead the prayer in the Vigil that night. 

“...keeper of what burns…” she mumbled as she paced her room waiting for Seris to come with her gown for the day. Even that was special today, instead of her usually dark clothing, today she wore white. The dress covered her entire neck, her arms, wrists and even part of her hands. There was a silver flame embroidery on the skirt that encircled her. There were ivory veils and prayer chains to wrap around her palms, but she placed them in the capable hands of Seris until the actual ceremony. 

Just as the sun was peaking over the distant hills, Elmara emerged from her room ready for the day. Though it was still early, the castle had movement and sound. Many noble visitors, especially those in lands that had the most pristine chapels came to see the royal family submit to the Veil. Servants from the castle, as well as servants from traveling nobles walked around doing their duties. 

Instead of going to the dining room, she turned towards the temple. “Elmara, you need to eat.” Seris hissed at her as she sped up to walk beside her. 

“Oh, ye of little faith.” Elmara sighed. “I will eat when the ceremony is over.” 

“I cannot remember the last time I saw you consume food.” Seris argued. 

“Oh please do not worry yourself, my fast is for the Veil, to prove I am worthy of this title. If I can control the demand my body makes for food, think about what I can obey in my faith.” Elmara smiled, obviously proud of herself. “It is only a few more hours. I promise, as soon as the trays are full I will be ordering you to bring me a full plate.” 

“As you wish, Crowned Veil.” Seris watched her with awe as they walked into the marble temple. Elmara felt so much electricity as she entered. The temple was surrounded by flames in different chalices, all behind veils, some white, some grey, some black. The room was warm comparatively and as she saw the sand that had been brought in for the ceremony laid in front of the altar, her eyes began to water. Today, her whole family got to declare their obedience to the Veiled Flame, and she was to lead them to their renewal. 

“...refine rather than consume…” Elmara mumbled as she straightened candles and adjusted veils. Seris had left her a while ago, after she became more of a hindrance than helpful. Seris had been oblivious to the hundreds of tiny things Elmara could touch up in the temple that would make the ceremony just a little bit more better, more holy. So when Elmara heard her handmaiden call her name, she jumped and turned shocked to see her. “My words, Seris, didn’t I excuse you?” 

“Yes, you majesty, but that was three hours ago. You are being called to your place for the ceremony to start.” Seris informed her. 

Elmara blinked a few times quickly trying to wrap her head around the idea that she had been walking around the temple for three hours when it only seemed to be minutes, but without another thought she followed Seris to the chamber where the rest of her family waited. 

It was odd to see them all in grey robes, their hair oiled down and their feet bare. She only saw her family like this once a year. Everyone was uneasy, but seeing how they held themselves was interesting. Her parents still held their power as rulers. It did not matter what they wore, their power came from them. Her brothers were uneasy, most of them crossing their arms, looking upset that they were in this position. Her sisters almost looked ashamed. The tunics were a lot less than what they were used to wearing. Their faces were bare, and even Rylla had started to wear makeup now. Elmara looked at her twin who stared back at her. Her face was not scrunched up in worry, it was blank, and though her eyes were looking straight at her, Elmara got the faint thought that maybe she was looking at something else as well. 

When her family was called to enter, everyone else was already in the room. All the nobels were silent, on either side, all holding lit candles. As her mother and father entered they all carefully knelt down to their King and Queen. As the siblings walked in they stayed on their knees. They didn’t bow to worship them, but because the crown was believed to bear the burden of flame. The burden of leadership was a flame that needed to be veiled constantly. 

At the center of the temple a large silver basin had been placed with a massive sacred flame burned white and orange with licks of blue. Her parents knelt in front of the flame first and then one by one her siblings knelt beside them, but Elmara stepped forward. The priests held out veils and one by one Elmara took the veils and dropped them over the sides of the flame, extinguishing the large flame until there was only one long pillar in the middle. Elmara was perfectly steady, making sure that the flame never extinguished, only softened. Her eyes never rose, her motions all rehearsed. 

As the light in the room dimmed and the veils were placed, Elmara took her place at the end of her siblings, kneeling in the sand. A priest then came to her first, holding a small bowl of ash. Elmara was the first to begin the Washing of Ash. The priest stuck her thumb in the bowl and removed it with black ash upon it. She pressed it onto her forehead and both of her palms. “All fire leaves ash.” the priest spoke. 

“All power leaves consequence.” Elmara recited back. The priest nodded with a small smile and then moved onto Cedoric. Down the line the priest moved, all her siblings reciting. As she spoke the words to Nokon, the room became silent as Nokon stared up at the priest, lips pressed together. 

The a loud cough came from the crowd, Elmara looked back to see Thyren rubbing his forehead in frustration, but it was enough for Nokon to say what was expected and for the priest to move on. Elmara tried to not notice Nokon wiping away the ash once the priest left him. 

As the priest walked back to the line of priests waiting for the next part of the ceremony…the prayer, Elmara’s prayer. She stood and took a moment to control the fear that had taken a hold of her spine. Once she felt more control she walked before the flame and spoke the words she had rehearsed every day, every minute of everyday since she had been given her title. She held up her ash stained hands and she spoke quietly. 

“Veiled Flame, keeper of what burns unseen, teach us restraint before ruin, silence before cruelty, wisdom before desire. Let the proud be humbled gently, and the fearful be granted stillness. If suffering must come, let it refine rather than consume. If power must be carried, let it be carried without vanity. And should we stand unworthy before your light, let us endure the seeing.” She kept her eyes closed after she spoke, just to hang on to the certainty she felt during the prayer. For one suspended moment, she felt held by something vast and merciful.

When she opened her eyes to see all who were watching her, she felt it dim. Whispers were already happening and the candles were being blown out as everyone shifted, finished with the ceremony, no one really feeling the faith like she had. 

Hands wrapped around her shoulders and she looked up to see the High Priestess Erynda. “The gods have surely touched you my dear.” 

Elmara smiled, wondering if she should explain the feeling she felt while praying, but as soon as she spoke, Erynda was whisked away by someone else. 

Elmara still stood in front of the flame. Everyone began to mingle, but Elmara didn’t feel it, suddenly she missed the silence she had had in the temple before the ceremony. “Elmara,” Lioraen came up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “You were exactly what the court needed tonight.”

Elmara smiled and nodded, but she couldn’t seem to relax her brows.

 “Please get dressed quickly before you begin to mingle with the nobles.” One squeeze from her mother and she was gone. Elmara felt her fot step forward, not wanting her mother to leave quite yet, but she was already half way across the room. She stood there alone for a moment. 

The certainty she had carried during the prayer seemed to thin with every passing voice. She began to walk, trying to make no eye contact with anyone. Many were speaking about her, but she tried to walk a straight line to the exit. “The princess carries herself with remarkable restraint.” She heard the lord of Noni Dommon. 

“Princess Elmara has always understood duty.” she heard her tutor, Chaplain Jarreth tell him. 

She couldn’t make it to the exit. She turned right to the balcony door, as her hands shook. She needed to get away from everyone and the balcony was the closest she could get to. The rush of cool air hit her hard and she slammed the door behind her and breathed in the cool air, diminishing any heat she had from the temple. 

“Uhh…” came a familiar voice. Elmara turned swiftly, realizing she wasn’t alone. Leaning over the balcony was Thyren, looking as shocked as she was. They held each other’s startled gaze for a long time before they both took another breath. “You know the ceremony ended?” he asked, motioning to her hands. 

Elmara looked down to see her hands were clasped tightly in a prayer posture. A shiver went through her as she pulled them apart. “I am aware.” 

Thyren nodded bigger than what was acceptable. “Fine job you did up there. Though…it looked like you couldn’t breathe.” 

Elmara didn’t smile. “I performed my duty.” 

There was silence, both standing, not knowing how to interact with each other when it was obvious they were both out there to get away from people. 

“Well,” Elmara finally said and fumbled for the handle of the door, but it escaped her grasp and her shaking betrayed her and she felt her knees buckle. Before she knew it the floor came closer; but before she found out how hard it was, Thyren grabbed her and lifted her back up. He was a lot closer than he was just a second ago and Elmara didn’t feel very royal being helped up by her brother’s companion. 

“Are you okay?” Thyren asked her. 

Elmara smiled and shook her head. “Just tired, and hungry. I told Seris I’d eat after the ceremony.” 

Thyren nodded and helped her to the railing before he left, coming back with her handmaiden, a plate full of food in her hands. She looked terrified as she ran up to her. 

“Your majesty, please eat some,” Seris began. 

Elmara waved away her concern and grabbed a cherry tomato off the plate and popped it into her mouth. The food felt strange as she bit into it, but her body woke up as she swallowed. “I will be okay.” 

“Please let me help you. You never ask for anything.” Seris pleaded. 

“Need is dangerous.” Elmara told her, grabbing another tomato. 

Thyren handed her a glass with wine in it and stood back, looking beyond the balcony into the royal gardens. “Will you be able to get her to her room, or would you like help?” 

“I will make it on my own.” Elmara said, getting balanced back on her feet. 

“Yes, you will, princess, just like you always do.” Thyren smiled and walked to the door, chuckling under his breath. “Well, if that is the case, I bid you farewell.” 

Elmara didn’t feel right with him leaving, but she couldn’t think of anything to say to change the feeling. She ate a few more pieces of food before she wrapped her arm through her handmaidens and asked to be taken back to her chambers. Today had only just begun, but she was already ready for bed. As she walked the halls to her room, she reminded herself how the Veiled Flame was pleased with her and her sacrifice. If she could become holy enough, perhaps one day she would become impossible to abandon.